Relationship Quotes

| “My wife uses fabric softener.  I never |
|  knew what that stuff was for.  Then I  |
|  noticed women were coming up to me     |
|  (sniff) ‘Married’ (walk off).  That’s  |
|  how they mark their territory.  You    |
|  can take off that ring, but it’s hard  |
|  to get that April fresh scent out of   |
|  your clothes.”                         |
|  — Unknown                             |

| “Women might be able to fake orgasms,   |
|  but men can fake whole relationships.” |
|  — Jimmy Shubert                       |

| “I think a good name for a horror movie |
|  would be, ‘The Bitchening.’  I’m not   |
|  sure what the monster would look like, |
|  but I bet it would act a lot like my   |
|  ex-wife.”                              |
|  — Wes Nessmann                        |

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that
reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone
else’s cash.
— P.G. Wodehouse, “Louder and Funnier”

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

I need someone real bad… Are you real bad?

All men are idiots… and I married their king.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

Don’t Be Sexist – Broads Hate That.

To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.

If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Impotence: Nature’s Way Of Saying “No Hard Feelings.”

I wasn’t born a bitch.  Men like you made me this way.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute.

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